Dreamchasa Magazine

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity;
an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
―Winston Churchill

People who carry an optimistic outlook are typically healthier and more productive than their pessimistic peers.  They catch fewer colds, cope better with life’s daily struggles, and may even live longer due to reduced levels of stress.

So what about you?  Can you become an optimist?

The answer is: YES!  Optimism is not an inborn trait bestowed on a lucky few.  It’s a skill that can be learned.  Here are six things optimists do and some ideas on how to follow in their footsteps:

1.  They make optimal use of all available options.

Most people get irritated by those who seem “too optimistic,” but this is usually an unfortunate misinterpretation of the difference between and optimist and an idealist.

An optimist is neither naive, nor in denial, nor blind to the realities of life.  An optimist believes in the optimal usage of all the available options, no matter how narrow the supply.  As a result, optimistic people are able to better see the bigger picture.  They can more accurately visualize and mange the present possibilities.  In other words, an optimist is simply a positive realist.

For comparison’s sake:  An idealist focuses only on the absolute best aspects of situations and ignores the negatives in total detriment to reality, a pessimist sees no possibilities at all, and an optimist strives to see all the possibilities so they can find the best possible option among them.

So, when picking lemons off a lemon tree, an idealist endlessly reaches for the ripest looking lemon, a pessimist settles for whichever one is closest, while an optimist picks all the lemons in sight and makes lemonade.  (Angel and I further discuss this habit of optimism in the Happiness and Adversity chapters of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Success People Do Differently.)

2.  They respect themselves for who they are.

As a child, you impressed and inspired yourself on a daily basis.  You ran, jumped, swung, sang and danced openly without a care in the world, and without worrying about what everyone else thought of you.  You didn’t need anyone else’s constant approval, because deep down you knew you were amazing.

As you grew into adulthood, the pressure from peers, popular media and society as a whole began to wear on you.  You started comparing yourself to everyone around you.  You judged and measured your body, your lifestyle, your career, and your relationships against other people’s lives.  And when you realized that many of these people have things that you do not, bitterness set in and you gradually stopped appreciating all the great things you do have in your life.

Optimists defend themselves against this self-dislike in two primary ways.  First, they get back to trusting their own intuition when it comes to their daily activities.  They stop asking for everyone else’s approval and simply do what they know in their heart feels right.  Second, optimists don’t judge themselves against a set of unrealistic, third party ideals.  They let go of the ideals and instead hold on to the belief that they are always good enough just the way they are, even as they grow into a stronger, wiser version of themselves.

3.  They disconnect happiness from achievement.

In order to be optimistic, you have to be generally content with your life.  In order to find this contentment, you have to look within yourself.  Happiness, after all, is an inside job.

If you look for happiness outside yourself, by tying it to a specific achievement you must reach, you have two big problems:

1. You may never succeed. – If you feel like something is wrong with you and needs to be fixed, but you continuously fall short of fixing it, you will start yourself on a downward spiral where every time you fail to fix it you feel even worse.  Eventually you will be unable to succeed simply because you no longer believe in your ability to do so.
2. You may succeed and decide you want even more. – If you feel like something is wrong with you and needs to be fixed, and you succeed at fixing it, you will likely find something new about yourself that needs fixing too.  Maybe you’ve lost 20 pounds, but now you want tighter abs.  Maybe you’ve paid down your debt, but now you want a bank account with a million dollars in it.  You get the idea.  It’s a never-ending cycle for your entire life.  You never reach it, because you’re always looking for happiness from external achievements.  You don’t find the happiness from within so you look to other sources.

Optimists disconnect achievement from happiness and give themselves permission to be happy, in each moment, without the need for anything more.  This isn’t to say that they are complacent.  They still set goals, work hard, help others, and grow, but they learn to indulge joyously in the journey, not the destination.  (Read Buddha’s Brain.)

4.  They avoid negative people and create positivity.

You are only as good as the company you keep, and misery loves company.  If you spend too much time around negative people, there’s a strong chance you won’t find much to be happy about.  Do yourself a favor and dodge other people’s negativity.  Surround yourself with positive, emotionally supportive friends and spend time together doing things that make you smile.

Optimism is a learned habit, and it is positively contagious.  So surround yourself with people who could infect you with positivity, and then pass your new good mood on to a friend or stranger via kind words and deeds – tell a friend how good they look today, let somebody have that parking space, let that person with only a few items cut in front of you at the market.  The simple act of doing something nice for those around you will help create more positive people to interact with.

The bottom line is that life is way too amazing and short to waste time with people who don’t treat you right.  Surround yourself with people who lift you up when you’re down, and then return the favor when you’re able.

5.  They expect life to be a series of ups and downs.

Just because you’re an optimist doesn’t mean you’re not going to have bad days.  You will – that’s reality.  Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies.  A foundation of realism keeps things in perspective and helps prevent things from being blown out of proportion.

Expecting life to be wonderful all the time is wanting to swim in an ocean in which waves only rise up and never come crashing down.  However, when you recognize that the rising and crashing waves are part of the exact same ocean, you are able to let go and be at peace with the reality of these ups and downs.  It becomes clear that life’s ups require life’s downs.

Bottom line:  Prepare for the downs but capitalize on the ups – the former makes you sensible and the latter makes you an optimist.  (Read Learned Optimism.)

6.  They use positive language and gestures.

It’s not always what happens that determines your mood, but how you verbalize and express what happens that counts.

For instance, when an optimist experiences a bout of success she might say, “That’s just as I had anticipated; I studied hard and my diligence paid off,” while a pessimist might say, “Goodness, was I lucky to get a good grade on that test,” not giving herself any credit and literally snatching her own defeat from the hands of victory.

If an optimist encounters a do-it-yourself project she can’t figure out, she’s likely to say something like, “Either the instructions I’m following are unclear, or this project is going to require a bit more effort than I thought, or maybe I’m just having a rough day.”  In other words, an optimist uses positive self-talk to keep the struggle outside herself (”the instructions”), specific (”more effort”), and temporary (”a rough day”), while the pessimist would likely get down on herself and interpret the same struggle as internal, widespread, and everlasting.

Go ahead and follow in the optimist’s footsteps by speaking to yourself in a more positive way regardless of whether you succeed or fail, and you’ll gradually become more optimistic.

Physical body language is also important.  Your smile actually influences your mood in a positive way.  When you feel down, your brain tells your face that you’re sad, and your facial muscles respond by putting on a frown, which in turn conveys a message back to your brain that says, “Yep, we’re feeling unhappy.”  You can flip the switch on this internal reaction by adjusting your facial muscles into a smile so they don’t correspond to what you’re feeling.  This is a clever way of sending a different message back to your brain: “Hey, life is still pretty good and I’m doing OK.”  Your brain will respond by gradually changing your mood accordingly.

Your turn…

What never fails to make you feel better?  What helps to boost your optimism?  Share your thoughts with us by leaving a comment below.

Source: 
http://www.marcandangel.com/2013/06/06/6-things-optimists-do-differently/

Writer: Marc

Hugh Hefner and his magazine Playboy single-handedly transformed the adult entertainment industry as the world knew it, and has since become a multimillion dollar business endeavour that has expanded to incorporate television, web ventures, clubs, and more.

Read on to find out how Hugh Hefner built his half a billion dollar empire, Playboy.

Hugh Hefner & The Creation Of Playboy

Hugh Hefner first showed his interest in publication at an early age, founding his high school newspaper while attending Steinmetz High School. Although he had a high IQ of 152, Hefner was unenthusiastic about school in general. After graduation, he served two years in the United States Army, then went on to attend classes at the Chicago Art Institute. After two years at the Art Institute, Hefner attended the University of Illinois in Champaign-Urbana, where he obtained his bachelor’s degree in the year 1950.

Fresh out of college, Hugh Hefner began working for the Chicago office of Esquire magazine, which was considered to be a rather racy publication for the time. While at Esquire, Hefner work at entry level pay and served as a promotional copywriter. He later ended up leaving the company over a salary dispute.

After working at Esquire, Hefner decided that he would like to start his own publication for men, with similar features that Esquire offered, only “better”, in his opinion. To obtain start up costs for this business endeavor, Hugh Hefnerborrowed funds amounting to $8,000 from forty five separate investors, one of them being his own mother. Thus began the launch of the famous Playboy magazine, with the first edition actually having been produced in Hefner’s own home. This first edition made it’s appearance on Chicago newsstands in December of 1953. This rare edition does not have a date on it, because of the uncertainty at the time as to whether the magazine would be successful enough to warrant the printing of additional editions.

As a bit of a clever marketing tactic, the magazine featured a full colored nude centerfold of a young Marilyn Monroe. The magazine did well, selling over 50,000 copies, and was considered to be a success. Since then, the popularity of Playboy has never faltered, and the trademark Playboy logo of the bunny wearing a bow tie, as well as the man himself, have become legend. By the 1960′s, the sophisticated image of Hugh Hefner smoking his pipe while wearing a silk smoking jacket, had become synonymous with Playboy.

As the magazine reached it’s golden age in the 1960′s, the Playboy enterprise came to include “private key” clubs, hotel resorts, modeling agencies, feature films, books, a record company, and of course, the iconic hostesses, the Playboy “bunnies”. By 1970, Hugh Hefner had gone from beginning an entrepreneurial endeavor in his own home, to being the founder of a major corporation. Circulation of the magazine went public and copies were selling at rates of seven million copies per month. The year 1972 earned Hefner a twelve million dollar profit.

Hugh Hefner is undoubtedly one of the most successful men of our time. He is definitely a man who knows how to go about obtaining success. Much of his philosophy revolves around the idea of not letting your life’s dreams and goals slip away. Some of his business advice includes his recommendation of not always conforming to the pressures that life presents, but rather to bring things to a conscious level and to not allow society to squash your dreams or steer you in another direction. Hefner suggests truly taking stock of your life and then deciding what you want to do with it. Hugh also suggests staying focused on your goals and taking advantage of the technology that is modernly available. For example, if you want to begin publishing, perhaps start your own website and take it from there.

Hugh Hefner also points out that he does not necessarily consider himself to be a good businessman even though he is a man who has been very successful in business. He attributes this to being a good entrepreneur with decent skills in the marketing and editorial areas, who also happens to be creative.

Hugh also admits to leaving the financial details associated with running his corporation in the capable hands of other people. To quote Hugh, “The business end of business has never interested me.”.

According to TMZ, this is how much money Hugh Hefner makes per month:

Salary from Playboy: $116,667

Social Security: $1,896
Dividends and interest: $121,099
Rental property: $17,058
Income from HMH Productions: $15,808
Pensions and retirement: $413
Other miscellaneous income: $17,639

Total monthly income: $290,580

In addition, Hugh has the following assets:

$306,548 in cash
$36,802,558 in stocks and bonds (besides Playboy)
$6,122,990 in a joint account with an unnamed person

Total assets (excluding Playboy stock and property): $43,232,096

Here is how Hugh Hefner spends his millions of dollars per month:

Rent (including groceries, household supplies, utilities, cell phone and email): $53,593
Food (approximate): $18,000
Entertainment: $25,000
College expenses for kids: $10,130
Health care: $3,215

Hugh Hefner’s Quotes For Success

“The interesting thing is how one guy, through living out his own fantasies, is living out the fantasies of so many other people.” –Hugh Hefner

“If you let society and your peers define who you are, you’re the less for it.” – Hugh Hefner

“Life is too short to be living somebody else’s dream.” – Hugh Hefner

“I have no plans to retire. It’s the perfect combination of work and play that keeps you young. If I quit work it would be the beginning of the end for me.” – Hugh Hefner

“There are many roads to Mecca”. - Hugh Hefner

These quotes are all food for thought for anyone thinking about pursuing a dream or achieving a personal or business goal. Consider it good advice coming from a man who started out as a young college graduate, and who is now one of the most successful business men in the world.

Although becoming the founder and owner of a gigantic, multimillion dollar corporation or running a hugely successful and popular gentlemen’s magazine may not be your own personal business goal, the ideas and philosophies of Hugh Hefner as a business man make a lot of sense for anyone trying to find success in any type of business. He is a prime example of how following through and staying focused can help anyone obtain great success. He decided what he wanted to do with his life, how he wanted to go about doing it, and with the financial backing of some family and close friends who believed in his dream, brought it to fruition. Hugh Hefner focused on his strong points in order to bring his creative vision to life, which is something any of us can do if we set our minds to it. Will we all be as successful as the legendary Hugh Hefner? That is doubtful, but not impossible, as long as you never give up on your dreams.

Source: 
http://addicted2success.com/news/hugh-hefner-his-half-a-billion-dollar-enterprise-playboy/

Writer: Christy McCarl

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass,
it’s about learning to dance in the rain.
―Vivian Greene

Over the past decade Marc and I have dealt with several personal hardships of varying degrees, including the sudden death of a sibling, the loss of a best friend to illness, and an unexpected, bread-winning employment layoff.

These experiences were brutal.  Each of them, unsurprisingly, knocked us down and off course for a period of time.  But when our time of mourning was over in each individual circumstance, we pressed forward, stronger, and with a greater understanding and respect for life.

Here are some vital lessons we learned – ways to maintain peace of mind in tough times:

1.  Learn to trust yourself.

“It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is.  As you heal and grow, it will all work out.  Relax and trust yourself.”

Repeat that in your mind every morning.  Because the truth is, it all works out in the end.  Put your full trust in yourself by following your intuition and doing your best, and then move forward one step at a time with faith and confidence in the future.  Life will not forsake you.  Love, persistence and hard work combined rarely lead a person astray in the long run.

If you have faith in your abilities, if you stay true to the path that feels right, if you channel your passion into action, you will ultimately achieve a breakthrough.  In other words, as soon as you trust yourself you will know how to heal and grow.

2.  Focus on what you’re learning.

Mistakes and setbacks are simply a form of practice.

If the road is easy and free of bumps, you’re likely going the wrong way.  The bumps in the road teach you what you need to know to progress down a path that is all your own.  Sometimes things have to go wrong in order to go right.  Sometimes you need to change a flat tire or two before you can move on.

Bottom line:  Your journey isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s supposed to be worth it.  To never struggle is to never grow.  There is no perfectly smooth road to any place worth going.

3.  Ease your expectations.

Life is under no obligation to give you exactly what you expect.  Whatever it is you’re seeking will rarely ever come in the form you’re expecting.  Don’t miss the silver lining because you were expecting gold.

You must see and accept things as they are instead of as you hoped, wished, or expected them to be.  Just because it didn’t turn out like you had envisioned, doesn’t mean it isn’t exactly what you need to get to where you ultimately want to go.

4.  Open up to someone you trust.

You aren’t alone; let someone special in when you’re in a dark place.  You know who this person is.  Don’t expect them to solve your problems; just allow them to face your problems with you.  Give them permission to stand beside you.  They won’t necessarily be able to pull you out of the dark place you’re in, but the light that spills in when they enter will at least show you which way the door is.

Above all, the important thing to remember is that you are not alone.  No matter how bizarre or embarrassed or pathetic you feel about our own situation, there is someone in your life who has dealt with similar emotions and who wants to help you.  When you hear yourself say, “I am alone,” it’s just your insecurities trying to sell you a lie.  (Read Daring Greatly.)

5.  Use hope to drive positive action.

Only in the dark can you see the stars.  The stars are hope.  Look for them.

The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for.  And the most you can do is live inside that hope as you work for what you want.  Do not admire what you hope for from a distance, but live right in it.  Get deeply involved with the thoughts and activities that keep your hope alive and your intention possible.

No, hope alone will not save you from despair.  Hope empowers you to strive and grow even when your circumstances are in shambles.  The road that is built with hope is more pleasant than the road built in despair, even though they both may seem to lead you to the same place in the short-term.  But it is the positive growth you attain on your way to this temporary place that will benefit your final destination.

It’s all about balance – accepting reality without giving up on what needs to be done to reach your desired destination in the long run.

6.  Move TOWARDS something instead of AWAY.

“Don’t think about eating that chocolate cookie!”  What are you thinking about now?  Eating that chocolate cookie, right?  When you concentrate on not thinking about something, you end up thinking about it.

The same philosophy holds true when it comes to freeing your mind from a negative past.  By persistently trying to move away from what you don’t want, you are forced to think about it so much that you end up carrying it’s weight along with you.  But if you instead choose to focus your energy on moving toward something you do want, you naturally leave the negative weight behind as you progress forward.

Bottom line:  Instead of concentrating on eliminating the negative, concentrate on creating something positive (that just happens to replace the negative). (Read Learned Optimism.)

7.  Take a few steps back.

Everything seems simpler from a distance.  Sometimes you simply need to distance yourself to see things more clearly.

You are more than whatever is troubling you.  A very real part of you exists beyond your worries, beyond your doubts, independent from the troubles and frustrations of the present moment.  Step back and observe yourself as you experience each moment.  Be present.  Watch yourself as you think, as you take action, as you experience emotions.  Your body may experience pain, and yet that pain is not you.  Your mind may encounter troubles, and yet you are not those troubles.

Think of the most difficult challenge you face right now.  Imagine that it’s not you, but a close friend who is facing this challenge.  What advice would you give her?  If you could step back and, instead of being the subject, look at your situation as an objective observer, would you look at it any differently?  Think of the advice you would give your friend if your friend were in your shoes.  Are you following your own best advice right now?

Don’t allow your current troubles to cloud your thinking.  Take a few steps back and give yourself the benefit of this distance, and then give yourself some great advice.

8.  Give yourself time.

Take all the time you need.  Emotional healing is a process; don’t rush yourself through it.  Don’t let others force you through it either.  Moving on doesn’t take a day; it takes lots of little steps to be able to break free of your broken past and your wounded self.

Take today breath by breath, one step at a time.  Never let trouble from the past make you feel like you have a bad life now.  Just because yesterday was painful doesn’t mean today will be too.  Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.  Today you have a choice to explore these parts of yourself.  Give yourself the needed time and permission to explore and heal. (Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the Adversity and Growth chapters of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

9.  Look for the beginning in every ending.

A wise man once said, “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”  Today is a new beginning; treat it that way.  Stop thinking about what might have been and starting looking at what can be.

Say to yourself: “Dear Past, thank you for all the life lessons you have taught me.  Dear Future, I am ready now!”  Because a great beginning always occurs at the exact moment you thought would be the end of everything.

The floor is yours…

What’s gives you peace of mind when times are tough and stressful?  Please leave a comment below and let us know.

Writers:  Marc & Angel

Source: 
http://www.marcandangel.com/2013/05/09/9-ways-to-find-peace-in-tough-times/

If you get decent value from making TO-DO lists, you’ll also get significant returns – in productivity, in improved relationships, in financial stability, and in heightened levels of happiness – from adding certain things to a TO-DON’T list.

As you may have guessed, a TO-DON’T list is a list of things not to do.  It might seem a bit amusing, but it’s an incredibly useful tool for keeping track of unproductive habits like these:

1.  Worrying about the wrong people.

The ladies of The Real Housewives of Orange County, they’ll survive without you.  The family members and friends of Duck Dynasty, they won’t notice your absence if you stop watching their show.  Even the private lives of your elected politicians and local public figures mean nothing in the grand scheme of your own life.

But your significant other, your friends, your children, your siblings, extended family members, business partners, employees and customers – these are the people who truly matter to you.  Give them your time and attention.  They’re the ones who deserve it.

And as you meet new individuals, be polite, but don’t try to be best friends with everyone.  Take things slow and remain focused on your core people – the individuals whose absence would immediately make your life less fulfilling.

2.  Focusing all your attention on future events instead of present moments.

This moment will never happen again.  Look around.  Cherish your time as you’re living it.  Work towards something, but enjoy the journey of getting from here to there.  Experience each step.  Don’t succumb to a vicious cycle of overbearing productivity that forces you to constantly think about every imaginable time and place except right here, right now.

It’s often hard to tell the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory.  And someday you will likely discover that the small moments you’re living now are really the big ones worth dreaming about.  So learn to appreciate what you HAVE NOW before time forces you appreciate what you HAD THEN.  (Read The Power of Now.)

3.  Delaying decisions.

Sometimes it doesn’t take as much strength to do things as it does to decide what to do.

Life is filled with difficult decisions.  As you move through life you will come up on many forks in the road where both paths look equally as promising.  The important thing is not which path you choose, but that you do in fact choose a path.

Deciding sometimes hurts.  Not knowing which path to take can be painful.  But nothing is more disheartening than never making a decision.  If you never choose a road, you will never know where it leads.  So when you’re faced with two equally good options, don’t be one of the people who choose the third option: to not choose.

4.  Saying “yes” when you really mean “no.”

Stop over-committing.  While saying “yes” can take you down some wonderful roads, there’s also a ton of value in saying “no.”  Your time in life is extremely limited; do you really want to give it away so easily?

If you don’t have time to commit to a new project, fulfill a favor, etc., it’s a good idea to just say “no.”  Refusing a new request from friends, family, customers, etc. can be difficult, but rarely is it as stressful as over-committing and leaving no time for yourself.

The ambition to be successful in life is not always the biggest challenge, narrowing the number of commitments to be successful in is.  Even when you have the knowledge and ability to access highly productive states, you get to a point where being simultaneously productive on too many fronts at once causes all activities to slow down, stand still, and sometimes even slide backwards.

Bottom line:  Say no when you know you should.  (Read The Success Principles.)

5.  Buying stuff you don’t need.

Proper money management is one of the most beneficial skills we can master to create a comfortable, happy future for ourselves, and yet it’s a skill that we are often culturally cut off from understanding.  The consumerist society we live in tries to make us feel that happiness lies in owning things and continuously buying new things, and fails to teach us about the happiness not found in things.

When external influences suddenly motivate you to consider a new purchase, ask yourself this:  “Is this thing I’m thinking of purchasing really better than the things I already have?  Do I really need it?  Or am I just being persuaded to be displeased with what I have now?”

You’ve heard the saying, “The best things in life are free.”  Believe it.  Spending time with friends, laughing, enjoying the antics of a pet, seeing a child smile, experiencing intimate and heart-felt moments with a significant other – these gifts are precious and free.  Money brings comfort, and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying that comfort.  But it’s important to spend money on the things that matter to you, and let go of spending that doesn’t add value to your life.  Spend on what you need, but don’t forget why you’re buying what you’re buying, or the spending will become a destructive habit.

6.  Gossiping.

Gossip is the evil.  If you want to know something about someone, ask.  Don’t assume; that’s how gossip grows and spreads.

If you’ve talked to more than one person about something someone else is doing, it’s time to step forward and actually talk to the person you’ve been talking about.  And if it’s truly ‘not your place’ to talk to this person, it’s likely ‘not your place’ to talk about them either.

Ultimately, you should focus on judging less, loving more, and resisting the temptation to gossip about others, or portray them in a poor light.  Be impeccable with your words.  Speak with integrity.  Avoid using your words to gossip about others.  Use the power of your voice to spread truth and love only. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Relationships chapter of 1000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

7.  Filling every waking moment with activity.

Downtime is imperative.  In all walks of life, the highest human performance occurs when there is equilibrium between activity and rest.  This is due to the fact that the human body is designed to labor in short pulses, and requires rest and renewal at regular intervals, both physically and mentally.  In other words, your productive working days should look something like this: activity, short rest, activity, short rest, etc.

Make time every day to not be busy.  Have dedicated downtime moments – clear points in the day to reflect, rest and recharge.  Don’t fool yourself; you’re not so busy that you can’t afford a few minutes of sanity.

You deserve quiet moments away from the daily hustle, in which no problems are confronted, no solutions are explored, and no demands are being made of your time.  At least twice a day, while you’re awake, withdraw yourself from the sources of stress that refuse to withdraw from you.  Do so for a few minutes and simply be and breathe.

Your turn…

What do you need to stop doing?  What belongs on your TO-DON’T list?  Leave us a comment below and share your thoughts.

Writer: Marc